Should I stay or should I go

Oh, by mistake, I have entered here. To a completely forgotten blog. I already started a new one in different language. A lot of things changed in my mind. I don't truly believe that I belong here.
This blog is somehow personal. I didn't stop myself when talked about my problems and I hate when I do so. I should just clean that post for good. And start writing here again. Would it be anything like the last year? We'll see.
Good night, whoever reads it.

It's always better to have a place for coming back

Van Gogh - La chambre de Van Gogh à Arles

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I feel that my life isn't going to the right way. I don't know what is going on with me. I am sleeping, in every place I can. Today, I am not in school, just because I fall asleep, already after my dad woke me up. And I went to bed at 6pm last evening, and I woke up at 10am. I slept for 16 hours. It's just not normal.
When it is spring I have this lazy-sleeping days all the time, but it isn't right. I am tired for no reasons. I need to put myself together and work really hard.
I even forgot about one very important conversation, I don't know how to apologize. I am so ashamed of myself that want to bury my head in the center of dessert like an ostrich.
Oh, and my skype just isn't working.

Wish me luck.
 

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I a m  s t i l l  a l i v e . 

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I loved sky color today. In the evening, when I was going home, sun already went down, there was no cloud. And this color, i can't describe it.  It was a mix  of very deep blue, some violet, and pale pink.

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I don't know what to write obviously, but I need to tell you about this event. A week ago, I went to the RFW- Riga Fashion Week. It was an amazing show. I loved that atmosphere. Gorgeous people around. Ideas. Beauty. Creativity.

I am glad, that one of my friends reached a place around the fashion. He will be known, I have no doubt! He already met a lot of celebrities. It happened so fast. I do remember our talks before first visit to fashion show. We were so excited, he was a little nervous sitting in a first row. It happened six months ago. Now, he is telling me about partying all night in the club with the cream of Riga's society.

He always knew that he deserves a place there.

But do I have enough of talent, if I have it at all, to succeed, or is this just a silly fantasy?    

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Couple of days ago I was in the awful mood in the morning. I hated everything around me, everyone, most of all myself, but I took my body under control and got out from a bed. I went out to the blurred morning keeping hope for the good outcome.I was lucky. The stars were supportive to me or  maybe my helper was book by Charlotte Bronte, I occasionally opened it during this day.

Among the passers-by that day I noticed something unusual. I smiled because of the small girl, who already was trying to look like a mature woman. She hold a lead in her hand. She went to a walk with her very big dog. Honestly, it was a Labrador puppy, but this puppy was trying so hard to raise proudly  his head up, that it produced to me feeling that he is an adult dog.

Woman was coming from the shop with a heavy bags, she was tired, and then she saw the same scene I was watching. She smiled. We faced looks. In that moment I realized, that people are still able to enjoy simple events, that a  mask what we put on our faces when go outside has not froze at our faces.

She straightened her back and moved on. I'm sure it made her day.